Springing Self

My Spring Break Plans are not as relaxing as I would have hoped but full of excitement and self discovery...my new goal. This is more of a reminder to myself of what I need to get accomplished while home but also just to let everyone know what I'm up to.

So, lately I have been pulling from the women in my life, especially my grandmothers therefore I am going to reconnect with them in a spiritual sense. I plan to spend 2 days at my Great Grandma Nelson's old house alone, while I'm there I am going to make an apron that has feminine qualities yet is rough and strong looking.

I am then going to spend a day making homemade mints. These were my favorite mints and My great grandma Primmer made them.

Finally I am going to visit with my only living great grandma and take advantage of all her stories I haven't heard.

Now for the even more difficult things...Lately I have been having difficultly deciding where I want to go to school next year...My options were La Crosse or Whitewater but after spending a weekend with a new found friend Dessa I have discovered that I need to stay here - 90% positive. Finally I am enjoying it here and I am finding myself.

When in high school I was a following leader, I saw what needed to be done and I did it but I wasn't necessarily doing what my heart desired, now I want to fight for the things that are most important to me...I still have to figure those things out yet though.

I was never able to make decisions based solely on myself. I was always concerned with what others expected of me and I need to stop doing that.

So, now I have to explain all of this to Tyler...and I don't know how. He knows most of if but I don't know if he understands it. And, I'm afraid. It seems that the stronger I become the weaker our relationship is getting and I don't want that to happen. I love him with all my heart and I never want to lose him. But I have to find myself and I have to have the opportunity to be myself. I'm afraid he won't love me anymore, if I change to much. But I can't keep things suppressed inside, that won't work. It's just scary to think that I could loose him over this....over my self discoveries.

Ahh, I have also learned not to take life so seriously, which is what I'm trying to do in this situation. As scared as I am, I am still happy and still pushing forward with my self discoveries.

We only get this one life and I personally want mine to be fun...not full of all this seriousness. Yuck.