My Spring Break Plans are not as relaxing as I would have hoped but full of excitement and self discovery...my new goal. This is more of a reminder to myself of what I need to get accomplished while home but also just to let everyone know what I'm up to.
So, lately I have been pulling from the women in my life, especially my grandmothers therefore I am going to reconnect with them in a spiritual sense. I plan to spend 2 days at my Great Grandma Nelson's old house alone, while I'm there I am going to make an apron that has feminine qualities yet is rough and strong looking.
I am then going to spend a day making homemade mints. These were my favorite mints and My great grandma Primmer made them.
Finally I am going to visit with my only living great grandma and take advantage of all her stories I haven't heard.
Now for the even more difficult things...Lately I have been having difficultly deciding where I want to go to school next year...My options were La Crosse or Whitewater but after spending a weekend with a new found friend Dessa I have discovered that I need to stay here - 90% positive. Finally I am enjoying it here and I am finding myself.
When in high school I was a following leader, I saw what needed to be done and I did it but I wasn't necessarily doing what my heart desired, now I want to fight for the things that are most important to me...I still have to figure those things out yet though.
I was never able to make decisions based solely on myself. I was always concerned with what others expected of me and I need to stop doing that.
So, now I have to explain all of this to Tyler...and I don't know how. He knows most of if but I don't know if he understands it. And, I'm afraid. It seems that the stronger I become the weaker our relationship is getting and I don't want that to happen. I love him with all my heart and I never want to lose him. But I have to find myself and I have to have the opportunity to be myself. I'm afraid he won't love me anymore, if I change to much. But I can't keep things suppressed inside, that won't work. It's just scary to think that I could loose him over this....over my self discoveries.
Ahh, I have also learned not to take life so seriously, which is what I'm trying to do in this situation. As scared as I am, I am still happy and still pushing forward with my self discoveries.
We only get this one life and I personally want mine to be fun...not full of all this seriousness. Yuck.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Stories
So, I have discovered some great stories about my Great Grandma Nelson who died last August. I feel that need to share them, actually to journal about them.
Josephine Nelson - She was baptised on her mother's coffin because she dies 1 month after grandmas birth. At this point she went to live with her grandmother who had four children herself without a living husband. Here my grandmother was raised strictly and by the age of 14 was canning, cooking, quilting etc because her older sister had left the house hold. When it came to school she was torn between her grandmother and her father, just as I was torn between my divorced parents at a young age. At 16 she began working for the Felix family, they owned the local clothing store. Through this job she met her husband whose sister was dating a Felix son.
The following story is about my Great Aunt Joan - When my great grandfather left for WWII she thought to herself that he would never return. This caused her to be quiet for the next three years until his safe return. When he arrived home after a drive from Lacrosse my Aunt Joan ran to him in the back seat of the car and squeezed him so tight that he thought she would squeeze him to death. Aunt Joan also mentioned to me that when WWII ended there was a party on Main Street with a bon fire for 2 whole days.
These stories are important to me and I wanted to get them recorded. My artwork has been dramatically influenced by these stories and the strength of my grandmothers, especially my great grandmothers. I can't wait to learn more and I hope to be at least half the woman they were.
On to other topics, I think I'm staying in Whitewater. I need to do what is right for me. And I need to live for me, no one else. This has been very hard for me and I don't believe I've ever lived for myself, so we will see how this goes.
Josephine Nelson - She was baptised on her mother's coffin because she dies 1 month after grandmas birth. At this point she went to live with her grandmother who had four children herself without a living husband. Here my grandmother was raised strictly and by the age of 14 was canning, cooking, quilting etc because her older sister had left the house hold. When it came to school she was torn between her grandmother and her father, just as I was torn between my divorced parents at a young age. At 16 she began working for the Felix family, they owned the local clothing store. Through this job she met her husband whose sister was dating a Felix son.
The following story is about my Great Aunt Joan - When my great grandfather left for WWII she thought to herself that he would never return. This caused her to be quiet for the next three years until his safe return. When he arrived home after a drive from Lacrosse my Aunt Joan ran to him in the back seat of the car and squeezed him so tight that he thought she would squeeze him to death. Aunt Joan also mentioned to me that when WWII ended there was a party on Main Street with a bon fire for 2 whole days.
These stories are important to me and I wanted to get them recorded. My artwork has been dramatically influenced by these stories and the strength of my grandmothers, especially my great grandmothers. I can't wait to learn more and I hope to be at least half the woman they were.
On to other topics, I think I'm staying in Whitewater. I need to do what is right for me. And I need to live for me, no one else. This has been very hard for me and I don't believe I've ever lived for myself, so we will see how this goes.
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